You may think you are in control of your own money, but does your partner have more of a say than they should? Here we discover what financial abuse looks like and speak to a survivor about its effects...

This type of domestic abuse is on the rise. These are the signs and symptoms of financial abuse to look out for, plus a survivor story and how to get help

When we hear about domestic abuse, most of us think about emotional or physical mistreatment. But there’s another type of coercive control that’s rarely talked about: economic or financial abuse.

More than 8.7m people in the UK – that’s 16% of all adults – have experienced economically abusive behaviour in a current or previous relationship, according to research by The Co-operative Bank and the charity Refuge.

What’s even more shocking is that when shown a list of financially abusive behaviours, a further 23% of people said they’d experienced them. ‘We are very concerned that such a low percentage of people recognise the signs of economic abuse. It means they won’t realise if it is happening to them and they won’t seek help,’ says Refuge’s Lisa King.

There’s been a rise in cases in the last year as a result of the pandemic. Research* found that since March 2020, a further 1.6m people are having their finances controlled by someone else and the increase is sharpest among women under 35.

For more than a third of those who first experienced economic abuse during lockdown, their partner became abusive when their income dropped as a result of the pandemic. ‘Unfortunately, lockdown and social distancing have made it easier for perpetrators to

exert control, especially when someone is isolated from family, friends and employers,’ says Sharp-Jeffs.

What is financial abuse?

This type of financial abuse has only been given a name relatively recently, and will become enshrined in law once the 2019 Domestic Abuse Bill finishes going through Parliament (hopefully this spring). It can include everything from a perpetrator scrutinising every penny their partner spends to taking out credit in their partner’s name and running up huge debts.

‘Economic abuse can happen to anyone, no matter their age or background. It’s not just about money; it involves a partner or ex-partner controlling someone’s ability to acquire, use or maintain economic resources,’ says Nicola Sharp-Jeffs, founder of charity Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA).

‘I’m still continually surprised by the ways perpetrators exercise control. We hear of people disconnecting the wi-fi so the partner can’t work or taking away her laptop. We even heard of a case recently where a perpetrator contacted his partner’s workplace and told them she’d broken the rules of lockdown.’

One common form of economic abuse is coercive debt; 60% of domestic abuse victims had been forced into debt, with an average amount of £4,500*. Thankfully, lenders are starting to recognise that coercive debt is real and, thanks to SEA and Money Advice Plus, over £6m worth of coerced debt has been written off. However, only one in four cases are resolved via a write-off request and the charity is still campaigning for more consistent policies.

Signs and symptoms of financial abuse

Like other types of abuse, it often starts small. ‘It can be the case that many women aren’t even aware they’re being controlled,’ says Sharp-Jeffs.

‘The controlling behaviour is often presented as caring: someone might say “you’re so busy, why don’t I look after your finances for you?” or “why don’t you stay at home and I’ll look after you?”. Economic and emotional abuse can also be an early sign of behaviour that could escalate into physical or sexual abuse later.’

6 warning signs of financial abuse

• Your partner controls how and when money is spent
• They take control of your pay
• They refuse to talk about money
• You discover they have built up debts in your name
• They control the use of your personal property, such as your phone or your car
• They spend money put aside for household bills

Financial abuse examples: ‘Economic abuse can happen to anyone; I’m proof of that’

Rachael, 37, experienced economic abuse during a 10-year relationship that cost her thousands.

Rachael says: ‘Tom** and I met when we were 17 and were friends for several years before we got together. I was attracted to him because he came across as caring and emotionally open. When we moved in together, we talked about money; he suggested we had a joint account for rent and bills and to split everything 50/50. That seemed reasonable, so I agreed.

Within a few years I was head of department in a school, working 50-hour weeks. Tom had a job at a university and he took over managing our finances; my work life was so busy, it made sense at the time. Gradually, his behaviour started to change and he became angry and aggressive.

He kept saying how bad I was with money and it knocked my confidence. Although I was earning a lot, I never felt it was mine. He kept increasing how much I needed to pay into the joint account; there were always good reasons, so I didn’t question it. Things came to a head when I’d saved up enough to buy a property and he had no interest in buying with me. I tried to end the relationship then, but his sister died and he persuaded me to let him stay in my home.

He then insisted that I get out of my five-year fixed rate mortgage, even though my mortgage broker said it wasn’t a good idea. Tom wore me down; I was too tired to fight. He said we should change the deeds at the same time to include him on them. I didn’t fully understand what a big deal that was and what I was handing over.

When I ended our relationship two months later, he told me I “deserved to be punished”. We ended up in a legal battle that lasted two-and-a-half years. Because he was on the deeds, he claimed he had an entitlement to the property.

I tried to say that he was abusive and he’d coerced me into doing things I didn’t want to, but I had to pay him £15,000 to remove his name from the deeds. It was only after we split that I realised he’d also been taking money from the joint account. Afterwards, I suffered from PTSD: I stopped eating and sleeping, and I had to leave my job due to the stress. Now, I’m slowly rebuilding my life. I still have the house and I’ve launched a personal training business. I’m also passionate about raising awareness about domestic abuse. It can happen to anyone and I’m proof of that.’

How to protect yourself from financial abuse

The key advice is to maintain economic independence; even if you do choose to.

open a joint account with a partner, keep an account that’s just yours too, that no one else can access.

Talking to your partner about money is crucial and so is not handing over complete control of shared finances. It’s also important to be aware of the implications of joint financial products, such as mortgages, and the liabilities involved, such as the fact you’re jointly liable for any debt.

Where to get help for financial abuse

• Call the 24-hour National Domestic Abuse helpline, run by Refuge, on 0808 2000 247.
• Women’s Aid runs a live chat service (weekdays 10am to 4pm; weekends 10am to 12pm),which may be easier to access more discreetly: chat.womensaid.org.uk. Search for local services on the Women’s Aid website (womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory).
• SEA has a list of resources (survivingeconomicabuse.org).
• Many utility companies and banks now have customer vulnerability teams; ask to speak to a specialist who is trained to understand economic abuse.
• For advice on how to write off coercive debt, speak to a debt adviser. Find one at moneyadviceplus.org.uk, or call 0808 1963 699.